Pain in the Arr…Back

In a a lot of ways back pain is like a migraine. It hurts to even think about doing something, to breath, to blink. Just the thought of moving hurts. I hate it. Why does it have to hurt so much. I wish I could just go to bed & wake up & be pain free. But that’s not going to happen. Oh well, time to hobble off to get more things done.

Back to Celtic Design.

What with everything I haven’t had time to do too much design lately. But since I found the wonderful Feanor Craft Shop in Bohermore I’ve decided it’s time I tried to get back into it.
Here is what I’m starting with:

Celtic Hanging Boxes.

Celtic Hanging Boxes.

I’ll keep this updated. I’m hoping to solder the designs onto the wood, but I’m going to have to test the soldering iron on a different piece of wood first though. I’ve never soldered onto wood before & I haven’t used a soldering iron since I was younger then Nic.

Ready for soldering.

Ready for Soldering.

The Soldering Has Started.

The Soldering has started.

My baby’s growing up.

Not a baby any more.

I’ve found the last week very hard. Nic is growing up now & she’s wanting to spend more time with her friends, going into town, going swimming & stuff like that. I know this is a great thing. I’m delighted she has friends I can trust to let her out with. I loosened the reigns a little & now I feel I’ve loosened them too much & she’s running away from me. I see her running so far ahead of me. She doesn’t want to spend time with mum any more.

I guess this is what my own mother went through when I decided to grow up & spread my wings, but the difference with me was I soared so high I was like Icarus, I burned my wings on the Sun & came crashing down to Earth with a bang.

I know Nic isn’t going to do this, but I’m still not ready to let her go. I miss her so much already. I just want to have her here with me, to hold her & never let her go. I don’t want her go grow up & go out into this big bad World. There are so many horrible things out there. Things I don’t want her to have to deal with. Things I want to shelter her from. I don’t want her to live the life I did. I don’t want her to get hurt the way I did. I don’t want someone to take her childhood the way mine was taken. When she’s out there & I’m not there to stop bad people hurting her.

I miss her so much. I miss my baby.

Spot the difference.

Just a little fun. Remember the Spot the difference we had when we were kids, well here it is again. I’ve decided to edit some of my photos & make them into a Spot the Difference game. So here are 2 for anyone who’s interested in playing.

In this shot there are 11 differences. Can you spot them all?

Can you spot all 11 differences?

& here is a bit more difficult one. How well do you think you will do? There are 15 differences in these shots. Happy hunting.

Can you spot all 15 differences?

& here’s another. I’ve gone all out with this one. There are a massive 24 differences in this one. Lets see how well you can do.

Can you spot all 24 differences?

The older generation.

I'm not an Angel, I'M A CHILD!!!

Ok, I get that the older generation is different to ours, I really do, but I don’t see how some of them feel that gives them the right to be just plain mean & nasty.

I know Nicola is not an Angel, but she’s not a horrible child either. I could show you a kid here a year older then Nicola who was falling around drunk a few days ago, 13 years of age!! I could show you a bunch of kids half Nics age who know more curse words then I do, & that’s saying something. Nicola plays. Oh my God, that’s a hangable offence to some people. Kids need to be allowed to be kids. They can’t just be kids when you want them to be, it doesn’t work like that.

Ok, I could go on, but rant over.

How I feel

In Pictures.

Feeling Tired.

I’ve still been feeling a bit tired of late. I think I need to catch up on a little bit more sleep.

I'm a bit more anchored.

But in saying that I’m a bit more anchored(it is there, just look closely ) then I have been of late.

A little reflective.

I’m still a little bit reflective on everything that is still going on in my life. So much has, & still is changing.

What drives me?

Sometimes I still wonder who is at the helm? Am I still sailing this ship of life alone?

A second driving force.

But then I look to my side & see that there is a second wheel there for my friends & family to help me drive when I feel like I am unable to go on.

They're stars who I have faith in.

They are all bright, shining stars & I have full faith in them.

Always keep the flag flying high.

I will always try to keep the flag flying high no matter how bad I feel. I will always try to let people know that I’m here & I’m not going anywhere any time soon. & I thank them for everything they have done for me. Without them I’d be nothing.

My Little Star.

Once again Nic was on the telly again today. So there’s going to be more “Mom, mom, I seen that girl on the telly” from kids every time we walk into a shop. It had just died down from the last time. Oh the price of having a talented daughter. Ok, is that enough of the beeming Mammy bit?

Nicola & Evelyn were both filmed this Easter for CSI Ice on RTE TWO. They had a great time. I almost had to tie them down so that fly away they were so high.

Insane Ladies.

This was 1 small moment of calmness, so you can imagine whagt they were like the rest of the time. They went through all the filming & everything, having a great time all along.

Getting mic'd up.

We then heard nothing more off them since. That was a month ago. Suddenly out of the blue I got a phone call on Saturday morning saying that she would be on today at 4.35pm. I was so proud of both of them. They looked so well. You can check it out here:

http://www.rte.ie/tv/theden/ice/icewatchtheshow_avlong.html

Hit the small R at the bottom right hand corner of the screen & skip the recording on to 13.23. That should get you on to the piece of the show with Nicola & Evelyn. Watch & enjoy.

A choice to make.

On Wednesday I got a letter in the post from Presentation Secondary School where Nic was supposed to go in September. It seems for some reason they have decided to combine their school with another in town here called the Mercy. Nic had asked about going to the Mercy when we discussed but we quickly ruled it out because there were certain ‘friends’ of hers that were going there. I don’t mind her mixing with them a few hours a week, but all week in school… no,  wouldn’t be happy about that.

Anyway, it was actually a good thing. Myself & Trev discussed it on Wednesday night & we were really worried about what was going to happen. It turns out we needn’t have worried at all. On Thursday morning I got a phone call from a woman in Salerno Secondary School wondering if Nic was still interested in a place there. I couldn’t believe it. What luck. I asked her if she could wait for an answer until tomorrow & she said no problem.

When I told Nic about the phone call I had to almost pry her from the cieling. It was so funny. I can’t remember the last time I seen her eyes bulge so big. I think this almost comes close:

We didn’t make any decisions until we spoke to Trev last night, but he asked one simple question:

Which is the better school?

Salerno wins hands down, simple as that. So today I rang the school to accept the place. We’re waiting now for the forms to come out so I can fill them out & confirm our acceptance of the placement.

I’m really glad she got in there, but I think it’s going to cost a lot more to send her there. We’ll just have to wait & see. It’ll be worth it though. 

Addys “GROWTH”?????

I was picking Nicola up from Circus this evening when I got a frantic phone call from Trev. He asked me where I was & then told me to get straight back home because there was something wrong with Addy.

When I asked him what happened, in a very worried voice he explained it all to me.

When he came home Addy had gone to the toilet & got himself covered, as sometimes happens with dogs. So Trev brought him out the back to clean him off. Trev is not very good at things like that & he was nearly sick all over the poor animal. As if he wasn’t bad enough.

He kept going though until he had Addy almost clean. That’s when he found a lump. A large black lump. He got really very scared & rang me straight away to get me to come home. He said I would have to contact the vet.

I got Nic & raced out to the car. I had to stop at the shop to get something & when I got back to the car the phone was going off. Terrified Nic answered it & Trev asked her to put me on. My heart was in my mouth. I thought he was going to tell me that Addy had gotten very sick or something. But this is not what he had to tell me at all.

He said “It’s ok, you don’t need to rush back, he’s ok.” I asked him how could this be if he has a big black lump?

He then told me that it wasn’t a lump. It was Addys testicles. He hadn’t noticed them before so he got a fright when he seen them. I just started roaring laughing. The poor dog, I know that those things get the male of the species in trouble, but I wouldn’t go as far as to call them cancerous.

Poor Trev, I love him to bits, but he really wasn’t top of the que when they were handing out the brains. hahaha

I haven’t been here since November??? :-O

Oh My God! I can’t believe I haven’t been here since November. I told everyone at the time I wouldn’t be able to keep it going.

Well, where do I start. Well as anyone knows who’s reading this my mother passed away on the 29th of January. My world just started to fall apart then. If it hadn’t been for Nicola & Trevor I wouldn’t be here. Also my brother Tom. He was a rock when he was needed. He still is. I know he’s there if I need him. I didn’t talk to him for a few months because of stuff going on here that he didn’t know about but I put that to rights this week. I braved it & picked up the phone & called him. I have spoken to him a few times this week. Dropped a few bombshells that he didn’t know about but he handled them well as he always does. I know he’s hurting though. I wish he was here. He’s so far away. But I know Fiona is looking after him the same as Trev is looking after me. We are both very lucky with our partners. Don’t get me wrong, Trev infuriates me at times, but I love him & I know he loves me. I would do anything for him & I know Fiona would do the same for Tom.

Now if we could get some horse tranquilisers for Dad the world would be a better place. I don’t think I can put up with him much longer. I feel like such a bitch saying this, but I don’t think I’ll be able to put up with him. I know mum did, but I can’t. He is so unreasonable. There is no give & take with him. It’s all just take, take, take. & I haven’t much more to give. He’s never happy with anything myself, Trev or Nicola do. We can’t ever win with him. He goes on about how nasty his mother was & he doesn’t realise that she’ll never die while he’s alive.
I’m stuck, I don’t know what to do with him. Everyone keeps telling me I need to step back from him. But I can’t do that. It’s not in me. I couldn’t leave him on his own. But if he keeps pushing me I’ll have no choice.