I know where I want to be.
July 5, 2009As I have said in an earlier post I have lived with depression for most of my life. I was first diagnosed when I was just 13 years of age so I know how to deal with my depression. I know quite a lot about it. However even with all my knowledge & experience I still find it such a struggle to get myself out of the darkness that surrounds my life. This particular bout has lasted quite a while now & I’m finding myself thinking more & more that the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train.
As the header of this post suggests I know where I want to be, but I just don’t know how to get there. Yesterday myself & Trev went to Kinsale in Cork to pick up his new scooter & I seen something that just sums up my life at the moment. I just had to take a shot:
Everything in this shot I can relate to. I see the beautiful green field where I want to be laying on the grass under the shade of the tree, looking up at the clouds in the beautiful blue sky.
But the path I’m walking on doesn’t lead there. I can’t get across the water to get there. It’s so frustrating. I am so close to it, but I just can’t get there. I know if I keep following the path I’m on I will get there, but it just feels like my beautiful green field is still out of my grasp.
However, not for much longer. I’m getting closer. I know the path is going to lead there. It is only a matter of time that I’m going to be back to my old self.
I have occasionally just checked out of (off of?) the path and jumped into the water for a swim. Sometimes it gets me there faster, sometimes I just learn a few more things before I get back on the path. Either way, I build up a bit more muscle from the swim. Not sure if that helps *at all* but that’s how I (sometimes) deal with depression. Other times, I find myself wallowing–and unable to sink OR swim.
I’m with you in prayer.
Thank you Michelle. I do sometimes go for the swim myself, but at the minute the water is a bit too deep. I think I need to keep trudging along on the path for a little bit. I am working hard to repair my mental health at the moment. It’s going to take time, but knowing I have good friends & family behind me really helps. Thanks.